depressed

I have been slack this weekend in keeping this blog up to date. Hmm now to re-cap the weekend. Friday I had a psych appointment. Went alright, talked about my meltdown about the soup when BF decided to try using different potatoes and ruined my favourite soup. He ended up making me laugh which was kinda nice. Talked about how I have to try and stay calmer and not over react.
Also went and got a blood test and took a stool sample to pathology to try and determine what is causing my gut problems. Should hopefully get the results tomorrow or wednesday. Hopefully it will shed some light onto whats going on. Friday night, stayed home and played video games.
Saturday I got up and went to dog obedience. Always enjoy that. Had another meltdown because I had a 21st to go to Saturday night and realised I didn't have any clothes to wear. They have either got to small cuz I have put on too much weight or they just weren't what I deemed to be appropriate. Went down the street and bought a whole new outfit, including boots. i really need to up date my wardrobe.
Sunday I had a doggie day with my dog obedience group, we went to a dog resort, where the dogs spent a lovely day swimming and playing. They had a ball and I did too. Always love spending time with my animals. Was exhausted by the end of the day.
The not eating as much things is going ok, still ate more then I would have liked on the weekend. Didn't eat anything at the 21st, but did drink a lot of bourbon. Today I didn't have any breakfast, only had a cup of soup for lunch, but drank a bit of coffee during the day. Tea was fish and veggies so fairly healthy.
I have been feeling so depressed these past few days. Didn't want to get out of bed this morning and really struggled to go to work. Cried a bit in the shower and had really bad anxiety. Just didn't want to be there. Nearly cried again on the drive there and even at work. Hate that place. Felt so depressed and suicidal. Was tempted to overdose on prescription drugs. Feel like I can't cope at the moment and I feel like my friends don't even give a shit. One of my close male friend appears to be ignoring me and one of my close workmates seems distant too. I guess they are sick of hearing my shit. :( Makes me feel so alone.
Perhaps I am better off dead.